This interview is with Barbara Sparacino, MD, FAPA, Physician at The Aging Parent Coach, LLC.

Barbara Sparacino, MD, FAPA, Physician, The Aging Parent Coach, LLC

Barbara, could you please tell us a little about yourself and your expertise in the area of aging and driving?

I’m Dr. Barbara Sparacino, an adult and geriatric psychiatrist with over 15 years of experience working closely with aging adults and their families. I also coach adult children who are navigating the challenges of caring for aging parents. One area that comes up often is the issue of driving—it’s such a sensitive topic because it represents so much more than just getting from one place to another. For many aging parents, driving symbolizes independence, freedom, and control over their own lives.

In my work, I help families approach this conversation with empathy, understanding, and respect. I know how emotional and overwhelming it can be—not just for parents, but also for adult children who are trying to balance concern for their parents’ safety with respect for their independence. My goal is to help guide families through these transitions in a way that maintains dignity for the aging parent and reduces the stress for everyone involved. Whether it’s working directly with families or through my coaching program, I’m here to provide the tools and support needed to make these tough conversations a little bit easier.

What experiences led you to become so passionate about this topic?

My passion for this topic really stems from my own personal experiences. As an only child, I felt a profound sense of responsibility for my aging parents, and I’ve seen firsthand how challenging—and sometimes lonely—that role can be. My background as a psychiatrist has also given me a unique perspective. In my work, I’ve spent years supporting families and individuals through some of the most difficult transitions of their lives, and I’ve witnessed how often adult children struggled to navigate their new roles as caregivers.

Seeing people like me—adult children trying to balance their own lives while caring for aging parents—was a major catalyst for starting my coaching practice. I knew I wanted to do more to help people feel supported, empowered, and less alone in their journey. It’s deeply personal, and my goal is to provide the guidance and compassion I wish I’d had when I was facing similar challenges.

Many of us have aging parents, and it can be a sensitive topic to navigate. When did you first realize it might be time to have ‘the talk’ about driving with your own parents?

I realized it was time to have ‘the talk’ with my grandfather about driving when I started noticing subtle changes that made me feel uneasy. It wasn’t one big event, but rather a series of smaller things—like my grandfather getting lost on routes he’d driven for years or mentioning he felt more anxious behind the wheel. As a granddaughter, those moments were heartbreaking because I knew what driving represented to him: independence, freedom, and control.

But as a physician, I also knew that his safety—and the safety of others—was at stake. The hardest part was finding a balance between being a loving granddaughter and the voice of reason. That’s when I knew it was time to have the conversation, and I wanted to approach it in a way that preserved his dignity while ensuring he was safe. It wasn’t easy, and that’s part of why I’m so passionate about helping others navigate this very conversation—because I know how deeply personal and emotionally-charged it can be.

What advice would you give to someone who’s concerned about their aging parent’s driving but isn’t sure how to start the conversation?

Starting the conversation about driving with an aging parent can be one of the toughest talks you’ll have, but my advice is to begin with empathy and respect. It’s important to remember that, for most older adults, driving represents freedom and independence, so approaching the topic with sensitivity is key. I’d recommend starting by expressing your love and concern for their well-being. For example, you could say something like, “Mom, I care so much about you, and I’ve noticed a few things lately that have me a bit worried about your safety when driving.”

This kind of statement opens the door without feeling accusatory, and it lets them know your intentions are rooted in care, not control. Also, it can be helpful to bring up specific observations rather than generalizing. Mention a recent incident that concerned you in a gentle way—like, “I noticed you seemed a bit disoriented when we drove to the grocery store the other day, and I want to make sure you’re safe.” Finally, make sure to bring solutions to the table. Offer to help find alternative ways to keep them mobile—whether that’s driving them yourself, arranging rides with friends or family, or exploring community transportation options. Letting them know that they won’t lose their independence altogether can make the conversation less intimidating for everyone involved.

Were there any specific strategies you used to make the conversation about driving with your parents more comfortable?

When it came time to have the conversation about driving with my grandparents, I knew I needed to approach it with a lot of empathy and patience. One specific strategy I found really helpful was to break the conversation into smaller, ongoing discussions rather than trying to resolve everything in one sitting. It’s a big topic, and tackling it bit by bit made it feel less overwhelming—for both of us. I also made sure to validate their feelings. I acknowledged how difficult it must be to even consider giving up driving and how much it meant to them in terms of independence.

I think it’s important to remember that this isn’t just about safety—it’s about letting go of a major part of their autonomy, and that’s understandably hard. Letting them express their concerns and listening without jumping in too quickly helped keep the conversation respectful and open. Another strategy that worked was focusing on the positive—talking about the ways we could maintain their independence in other areas. I came prepared with options, like organizing rides from family members, using ride-sharing services, or even taking advantage of local community-transportation programs. Framing it as a way to keep them safe while ensuring they could still do the things they love helped make it a bit easier for all of us to accept.

What are some common misconceptions people have about older drivers, and how can we address them with empathy and understanding?

One of the most common misconceptions about older drivers is that all older adults are unsafe behind the wheel simply because of their age. The reality is, aging affects everyone differently. Some people remain very capable drivers well into their 80s or beyond, while others may face challenges earlier on. It’s important not to generalize or assume that just because someone is older, they’re automatically a danger on the road. Another misconception is that giving up driving means losing all independence.

For many older adults, driving is synonymous with freedom—it represents their ability to make their own choices and maintain their lifestyle. The idea of giving that up can be incredibly frightening. Addressing this misconception with empathy means acknowledging that fear and understanding where it comes from. It’s about reassuring them that giving up driving doesn’t mean losing their autonomy completely. There are still many ways to stay active, engaged, and independent without a driver’s license.

To address these misconceptions with empathy, it’s crucial to come from a place of understanding and compassion. Instead of approaching the conversation with judgment, try to validate their feelings—acknowledge that giving up driving is a big change, and it’s okay to feel anxious or frustrated about it. Offer support and alternatives that allow them to maintain as much of their freedom as possible. Ultimately, it’s about keeping our loved ones safe while also helping them continue to live full, meaningful lives.

Let’s talk about alternatives to driving. What resources or options did you explore with your parents when driving became less safe?

When it became clear that driving was becoming less safe for my grandfather, I wanted to make sure that we found alternatives that would allow him to maintain his sense of independence as much as possible. Losing the ability to drive is a huge shift, and I wanted to be proactive in exploring other options. One of the first things we did was to look into ride-sharing services. Services like Uber and Lyft can be incredibly helpful, especially in urban or suburban areas where drivers are readily available. I worked with my parents to get them comfortable with the technology.

Sometimes, it’s just a matter of sitting down together and showing them how easy it can be to request a ride. For them, knowing they had access to transportation at their fingertips provided a sense of relief. We also set up a family-rotation schedule. I reached out to family members who lived nearby, and we worked together to create a schedule to help with regular errands and appointments. This not only ensured they could get where they needed to go, but it also gave my parents more opportunities to spend time with family, which was a bonus for everyone involved.

Another resource we tapped into was the local senior transportation services. Many communities offer low-cost or even free transportation options specifically for seniors. These services are great for getting to medical appointments or community events, and they provide a safe, reliable alternative to driving themselves.

Finally, we talked about grocery and prescription-delivery services. It might not be the same as hopping in the car to run errands, but it helped my grandparents stay independent in other ways. Knowing they could still manage their own needs without having to rely on someone to drive them was a big comfort. Ultimately, the goal was to make sure they didn’t feel like they were losing their freedom just because they weren’t driving anymore. It’s all about maintaining quality of life, and with a little creativity and support, we were able to find ways to keep them feeling connected and in control.

How can family members work together to ensure their aging loved one maintains their independence while also prioritizing safety?

When it comes to helping an aging loved one maintain their independence while ensuring their safety, family collaboration is key. It’s all about finding the right balance—providing freedom while making sure they’re safe. Here are some ways family members can work together:

1. Open Communication

Communication is crucial. Everyone needs to be on the same page about your loved one’s needs and abilities. Regular family meetings—either in person or virtually—help keep everyone updated, share observations, and make decisions together. This helps avoid misunderstandings and prevents any one person from feeling overwhelmed.

2. Assign Roles Based on Strengths

Each family member has unique strengths, and caregiving is no different. Some may be better at managing finances, while others might excel at companionship or handling household tasks. Assigning roles based on these strengths ensures everyone can contribute meaningfully without overburdening anyone. It also provides your loved one with well-rounded support, helping them maintain a sense of independence.

3. Use Technology and Community Resources

There are many tools and services that can help your loved one maintain their independence while staying safe. Ride-sharing apps, grocery delivery, and medical alert systems can make a big difference. Local senior transportation options or community programs can also be great resources. The goal is to find solutions that let them keep doing what they love—safely.

4. Respect Their Input

It’s easy to fall into the habit of making decisions for an aging loved one, but it’s essential to involve them. When they’re included in decision-making, they feel valued and are more comfortable with any changes. It’s their life, and their voice should be central in these conversations.

5. Provide Emotional Support

Finally, remember the emotional aspect. Losing some independence can be challenging, and your loved one may feel frustrated or even sad. Acknowledging these feelings and offering empathy can go a long way in maintaining their sense of dignity. Reassure them that while things may be changing, they still have control over many aspects of their life.

By working together, communicating openly, and respecting your loved one’s voice, families can help aging members feel supported and independent—all while prioritizing safety. It’s a collaborative effort, but with the right approach, you can create a supportive environment where your loved one continues to live with dignity and purpose.

Looking back, is there anything you wish you had done differently during that time, and what advice would you give to others based on your experience?

Looking back, there are definitely things I wish I had approached differently during that time. One of the biggest lessons I learned was the importance of asking for help sooner. I’m someone who tends to take on responsibility, especially when it comes to caring for loved ones, but I realized that trying to handle everything myself wasn’t sustainable—nor was it necessary. If I could do it over, I would have reached out to family and friends earlier, instead of waiting until I was already feeling overwhelmed.

Caregiving is not something you need to do alone, and involving others not only lightens the load but also helps your loved one feel more connected. Another thing I would have done differently is have more open conversations earlier. I wish I had been more proactive in talking with my grandparents about their wishes and needs before the situation became urgent.

I learned that it’s much easier to have those conversations when everyone is calm and there isn’t immediate pressure. Talking about things like driving, caregiving roles, or future plans early on helps create a sense of collaboration rather than conflict. The advice I’d give to others is to embrace flexibility. Nothing about caregiving goes perfectly as planned, and that’s okay. It’s important to let go of the idea of perfection and instead focus on doing the best you can in each moment.

Also, make sure to take care of yourself. Caregiving can be all-consuming, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. Whether it’s taking time for a walk, talking to a friend, or even seeking support from a professional, making time for yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. Ultimately, caregiving is a journey filled with ups and downs, and you’re bound to learn as you go. My biggest takeaway is that it’s okay to not have all the answers. Just take it one day at a time, lean on others, and remember that you’re doing something truly meaningful, even when it’s challenging.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge and expertise. Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Thank you for giving me the space to share my experiences. If there’s one thing I’d like to leave everyone with, it’s this: caregiving, especially for aging parents, is one of the most emotionally-challenging roles we take on, but it can also be deeply rewarding. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone—whether you’re navigating conversations about driving, dealing with sibling dynamics, or just trying to manage your own emotions in the process.

There’s no “right” way to do this, and it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—love, frustration, guilt, even fear. What matters most is that you’re showing up, and that’s enough. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support, lean on your community, and take it one step at a time. We’re all in this together, and you don’t have to carry the weight alone. If you need guidance or a little extra support, I’m here to help.