What is one piece of advice you would give to new parents about setting boundaries with family and friends? How did you communicate your needs and expectations in a respectful way?

Question

Becoming a new parent brings joy and challenges, especially when it comes to setting boundaries with family. This article offers practical advice on maintaining healthy relationships while prioritizing your child's needs. Drawing from expert insights, these tips will help you navigate the delicate balance of family dynamics and parental responsibilities.

Paul Zalewski · Answer

Treat boundaries as guideposts, not walls. When you are setting boundaries, you are not shutting people out. Instead, you are showing them how to support you in a way that works for your family.
In those early newborn days, well-meaning family and friends can unintentionally add stress to your situation by offering unsolicited advice or showing up unexpectedly. Therefore, you must be clear on what you expect from your family and friends.
What worked for us was being clear early on and framing everything around our baby's needs, not just ours. For example, we'd say something like, "We are trying to limit visitors right now to allow our baby to stay on her nap schedule," or "We are limiting the number of visitors who come over in a day to avoid overwhelming the baby and ourselves."
We learned from the experience that people tend to respect boundaries more when they understand the reason behind them. Consider practicing the conversations as a couple so that you speak the same language.
My partner and I had each other's back from the first day. We ensured our responses were coordinated, and nobody was allowed in when we weren't expecting them.

Denise Iacona Stern · Answer

My company has been working with new parents for 15 years now, and the subject of boundaries comes up quite often. Boundaries are important in maintaining a peaceful home, but they're also crucial for newborn safety. The first weeks of a human's life are the most vulnerable, and contagious illnesses are part of the reason why.
Advocating for yourself and your baby as a parent is always the right thing to do, even though it's not always comfortable. Here are two ways to communicate in a respectful manner:
1. Blame the pediatrician - This might be a tiny white lie but keeps the peace if you really want to avoid conflict. No one can argue with the pediatrician! You might say: "I'm so sorry, our pediatrician says we really need to limit visitors, so we're going to take the first few weeks at home by ourselves."
2. Offer an alternative - Instead of shutting down family and friends with a "no," offer an alternative. For example, if you don't want visitors in your home, offer to meet for 20-30 minutes at a park or quiet coffee shop with the baby.
No matter how you handle boundary setting, you can never go wrong by being direct but still polite. If you're nervous about setting boundaries, it's perfectly okay to practice these conversations before they happen.
Thank you for allowing me to share. My team and I are dedicated to protecting parents' peace through newborn care and postpartum support.

Dana Skaggs · Answer

First, understand that you have a right to your opinions and the way you want to raise your new family. Second, other people are going to have their own point of view (POV) and expectations, which you are not charged with changing. You are, however, responsible for your own behavior. So, communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully, knowing that others may disagree or disapprove. That is okay. Let them. Make sure your behavior matches your words, especially when others attempt to push your boundaries down (not if but when).
Be consistent and respectful. If others disrespect you, you can remove yourself from the situation and give them time to decide if they are going to respect your boundaries. They may decide they don't, and you may lose that relationship. Talk to your co-parent (wife, husband, partner) and make sure you are both on the same page before you verbalize your new boundaries. This will not only prevent in-fighting but provide a place of solace if some relationships fall away.
Remember that your respectful communication is not defined by how the other person feels about it. They are allowed to have their feelings/opinions. Detach your choices and behavior from their perception/reaction.

Cory Arsic · Answer

As a new parent, you have to establish boundaries with friends and family so that you can take care of yourself and move into your new life. One of the things that I would recommend is being assertive and clear about your needs right away. Whether it's visitation or getting certain assistance, being clear and direct about these expectations initially is important. I learned to take my time and speak up for my needs in an open manner to form the foundation for mutual respect and understanding. I also think that, when setting boundaries, one should do it with empathy and appreciation.
Be patient and thankful for the assistance others are willing to provide. Also, discuss why boundaries are needed. With this balance, you can sustain healthy relationships without being constantly overwhelmed. With time, open and respectful communication aids everyone to adjust and creates a peaceful atmosphere for you and your loved ones. Boundaries are not a refusal but a way of getting your needs fulfilled in a manner that benefits all parties in the long term.

Desiree Teng · Answer

Setting boundaries is an important part of being a new parent. Deciding what's best for your children shouldn't be up to others; you and your partner need to be the deciding voice. This is the same when it comes to establishing boundaries for your children. Letting friends and family know how your children will be raised in subjects such as diet, beliefs, and activities will be an important part of raising your children.
When it comes to communicating these expectations and boundaries, you don't have to necessarily announce all your set boundaries to everyone your children meet. Simply telling or reminding someone when you feel they are overstepping the boundaries with your children should be sufficient for a majority of encounters. For example, if you prefer your children not to be influenced by certain beliefs, you could say and remind someone attempting to do so.
If they can't respect your children's boundaries even after multiple attempts of alerting and explaining your set boundaries, you don't have to respect theirs. Be stern and give your demands straight to those overstepping, and if they still overstep these announced boundaries, you have to do what you can and cut off the interactions between your children and the offenders.

Carter Crowley · Answer

When my wife and I were deeply involved in building CB Home Solutions, time was scarce and energy even scarcer. After our first child was born, I quickly realized that if we didn't protect our schedule, everyone else would fill it for us. So we established "no visit" hours and adhered to them, even when it ruffled a few feathers. I sent a simple group text—grateful, clear, and without drama—explaining that we were adjusting and needed space to settle into a new rhythm. Most people respected it, and those who didn't, well, that revealed something about them too. Boundaries aren't walls; they're filters. In both parenting and business, the right boundaries protect what truly matters.

Renato Fernandes · Answer

My biggest advice to new parents is to set boundaries before emotions run high. In Brazilian families, everyone wants to help, and sometimes, help turns into pressure. When my wife and I were expecting, I invited our closest relatives for coffee and had an honest, calm talk. I explained that we'd need quiet time to adapt and bond, and that while we valued their love, visits had to be planned--not spontaneous.
I framed it around our baby's well-being and our recovery time, which made it easier for them to accept. Being clear early on prevented resentment later. The takeaway? Speak up before you're exhausted. It's not about pushing people away--it's about creating a space where your new family can thrive.

Justin Smith · Answer

When I became a parent, I quickly realized that setting boundaries with family and friends wasn't about keeping people out--it was about protecting our peace. We told loved ones ahead of time what kind of help we needed and what we weren't comfortable with, like surprise visits or posting baby photos online. Being clear and kind upfront saved us from awkward moments later. People usually respect your space when you respect theirs.

8 Tips for Setting Boundaries with Family as New Parents

Table of Contents

8 Tips for Setting Boundaries with Family as New Parents

Set Guideposts Not Walls for Support

Advocate for Your Baby’s Safety

Communicate Boundaries Clearly and Consistently

Express Needs with Empathy and Appreciation

Be the Deciding Voice for Your Children

Protect Your Schedule with Clear Boundaries

Establish Boundaries Before Emotions Run High

Protect Your Peace Through Clear Communication

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