What is one piece of advice you would give to couples for writing their wedding vows? What approach did you take and what made it meaningful?

Question

Creating meaningful wedding vows can be a daunting task for many couples. This article offers practical advice from seasoned wedding professionals on crafting personalized, heartfelt vows. From reflecting on your relationship to balancing public and private exchanges, these tips will help you express your love authentically on your special day.

Tom Wishart · Answer

As a wedding photographer who's had the privilege of witnessing over 400 ceremonies, I've probably heard more wedding vows than most. That experience really shaped how I wrote my own. I gave myself about two weeks to put them together, drawing on what I've seen work well and avoiding the things that often fall flat.
The biggest piece of advice I can give is this: don't start by Googling "best wedding vows." It's an easy trap to fall into when you're not sure where to begin, but I promise you, we hear the same lines over and over again. They might sound nice, but they usually don't feel personal.
Instead, keep your vows focused on the two of you. This is your moment. Yes, there will be people listening, but you're really speaking to the love of your life. Try to picture them and only them when you're writing. That mindset helps you connect with what you really want to say.
Speaking to our couples about their vows and having the experience of writing my own, there are a few tips that might help:
Think back to the big and small moments that define your relationship. The everyday stuff often means more than grand gestures.
Don't stress about sounding poetic or perfect. Speak from the heart, and the meaning will shine through.
Keep it balanced. A few heartfelt promises are more powerful than a long list.
If humor is part of your relationship, it's okay to include a bit of that too (as long as you don't include jokes found on the internet!).
Read your vows out loud to yourself or even to trusted friends. It helps you check the tone and flow and can help with performance anxiety.
And most importantly, give yourself time. Good vows take a little space to breathe. Write, revisit, tweak, and let them grow. If they feel true to you, they'll be perfect.

Brian Holstein · Answer

One of the best pieces of advice we give couples when writing their vows is: give yourself time to think before you ever try to write. Your vows shouldn't be something you rush through the night before the ceremony. They deserve space to grow.
We always suggest carving out quiet time, even multiple sessions, to sit and reflect. Start by jotting down memories, promises, or quirks that come to mind. It doesn't have to be poetic at first. Just be honest. Let it be messy.
The most meaningful vows are the ones that feel deeply personal, not just recycled phrases. We've seen couples laugh, cry, and reference inside jokes that only they understand... and those are the moments that hit the hardest.
Our favorite approach? Think of it as a love letter to your future. Speak from the heart, and don't worry about impressing anyone else. Just say what you really mean, and you'll get it right.

Christina Zacharia · Answer

My husband and I are very private people, so naturally, when it came to writing our vows, it felt uncomfortable sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings in front of an audience. We were never the type of people who liked making ourselves vulnerable and 'exposed' in front of others, and we didn't want to start doing so just because it was our wedding. So we decided to create our own rules and make sure that we adjusted our wedding to what we felt comfortable doing.
We went ahead and wrote two versions of our vows - one version that was going to be read to each other in private, before our wedding, and one version which we were going to share in front of our families and guests.
Naturally, the private version was the most 'sincere', the one that reflected our true feelings and made us vulnerable to each other. By choosing a private reading, we could disclose how we truly felt, in front of the only person that we would feel comfortable sharing our deepest thoughts with. At the end of the day, this is the person we would be sharing our deepest thoughts with anyway.
At the same time, we wanted to make sure that our public vows remained equally sincere; however, they were lighter compared to the intimate vow exchange we had set up for ourselves. We focused more on those elements that were already known, and on shared experiences we had with our guests but were not known to all.

Carissa Kruse · Answer

One piece of advice I always give couples when they're writing their vows is to stop trying to impress. You're not on stage. It's just you and standing in front of you is the person who already knows your quirks, your flaws, your heart. Speak to them. The most moving vows I've witnessed weren't the ones with perfect prose or Pinterest-worthy quotes. 
They were the ones where someone paused, choked up a little, and said something real like, "I still can't believe I get to love you." See? It feels real, it feels romantic, it feels like it's coming from the depth of the heart.
In my own work — and now mentoring other planners and creatives in the wedding industry — I always guide couples toward authenticity, not performance. Start with a memory. Start with why you chose them out of every person on this planet. That's where the magic is.
I always remind them to write a private letter to their partner first. It should be something personal they won't share. The best vows I've seen are simple, honest, and personal. I've witnessed couples promise things like "I'll always laugh at your terrible jokes" or "I'll never leave you to face life's struggles alone." Such little promises make your vows special.

Jon Warr · Answer

The best vows are the ones that sound like you — not a Pinterest board or a wedding magazine. As a photographer, I've seen couples stress over finding the "perfect" words, but the most meaningful vows I've heard are the ones where people ditch the clichés and speak from their own voice. Whether it's funny, heartfelt, or even a bit awkward — if it's real, it resonates.
From my side of the camera, those moments where couples are just themselves — sharing stories, making personal promises, maybe even roasting each other a little — are the ones that light up a photo. You can see it in their faces, their body language, even the reactions from their guests. That's gold.
So my advice? Don't aim for "perfect." Aim for honest. Write the vows you'd say to each other if no one else was in the room. That's what makes it meaningful. And trust me — those are the moments you'll want captured forever.

Santy Martinez · Answer

Keep it personal, but also be mindful of your audience. Your vows should come from the heart, but there's no need to go so deep into inside jokes or private stories that your guests feel left out or uncomfortable. Some people at your wedding might be coworkers or more formal guests, so it's good to keep that in mind.
A helpful approach is to share a few meaningful and lighthearted moments that show why you love your partner, while giving just enough context so everyone listening can feel the connection and maybe even share a laugh.
For us, it was all about finding that balance. We wanted to be honest and emotional, add a little humor, and tell our story in a way that made everyone feel included. That's what made it truly special.

Nwakaego Abdul · Answer

One piece of advice I always give our couples when writing their wedding vows is to keep them honest and personal. You're getting married to the love of your life; this is more than just a funny or Instagrammable moment. Speak from your heart, and not for the crowd. You don't have to be a wordsmith either; the words just need to feel like they came from you.
I also encourage our couples to think about the everyday moments, not just the major milestones. Something as simple as an inside joke or the smallest level of support from your spouse can add such impact to showcasing their personality and qualities.

Daniel Maddry · Answer

While I work primarily in youth ministry, I've helped many couples prepare for marriage through our church programs. My best advice for wedding vows is to be authentic rather than performative. Write from your heart about your genuine commitment, not what sounds impressive to an audience.
When coaching couples, I recommend using the "past, present, future" framework: acknowledge how you met and fell in love, express what you cherish about your partner today, and commit to specific promises for your shared future. This structure creates meaningful vows that tell your unique story.
The most impactful vows I've witnessed included specific examples rather than generic statements. Instead of "I'll always be there for you," try "I promise to bring you coffee on Sunday mornings and listen when you've had a tough day." These concrete promises show thought and intentionality.
Vows aren't about perfection but authenticity. Just as in our youth curriculum series like "The Things We Hide," vulnerability creates connection. The couples whose vows resonated most powerfully were those who weren't afraid to be real about their journey together.

8 Tips for Creating Meaningful Wedding Vows

Table of Contents

8 Tips for Creating Meaningful Wedding Vows

Speak from the Heart, Not Google

Reflect on Your Relationship Before Writing

Balance Public and Private Vow Exchanges

Focus on Authenticity, Not Performance

Capture Real Moments in Your Vows

Share Personal Stories with Audience Awareness

Highlight Everyday Moments in Your Promises

Use Past, Present, Future Framework

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